every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize