we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
