The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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