I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
