I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
