hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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