Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
