You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
