btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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