I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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