I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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