there's paper in my vomit.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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