umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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