You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
