I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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