I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
