We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
