I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
