I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
