worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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