She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
