the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
