I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
worst night to have a conscience
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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