I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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