Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My cat gives me a boner
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Shame is for Republicans.
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