Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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