Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize