Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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