I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
