She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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