May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
