Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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