turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
