So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
