There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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