My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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