it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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