Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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