so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
