I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
