youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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