Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
