New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the liver wants what the liver wants
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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