I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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