do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
