He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
