There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
