A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
