He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
