Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
