Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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