Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
