I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
