Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
