there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
