Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
