I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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