Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
