I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
