It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
