Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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