I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
