When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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