oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
