Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
