I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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