Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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